Sunday, August 3, 2014

A Letter to my Future Husband

To my Dearest Future Husband,

After watching another romantic comedy film 'She's Dating the Gangster' my faith towards destined love resurfaced. Not that I have lost it, but i set it aside for quite sometime. There are a lot of things I realized in the past few months that made look back on what's my perception and definition of love.  I thought I don't want one anymore, maybe not now, but I realized it's always great to grow old with someone and share a new day watching the sunrise and holding his hands while it sets down.

But, let's just be honest here — I always thought that if I hadn’t found you by now, I’d be totally bummed out and depressed. I thought I’d be a nervous, incomplete wreck, writing this letter as I sat on a couch crying salty tears into a liter of cheap wine or beer.  After all, I mean, hello, I’m almost thirty! I am almost on the brim of my ideal age of settling down. To my old self, i thought i'd have a diamond rock on my let hand and two charming model-looking kids and living in suburbs with a pool and an SUV.

My 29-year-old-self would wonder, with a confused half-frown on her face and a cocktail in her hand, why it seems as if I’ve been focusing on everything but finding love and a house in the suburbs.

After all, I used to have All The Things I was “supposed” to have, and yet I gave them all up.

And the man? I gave him up to a more well-suited woman.

I may not have all the luxury of things in life.

But the truth is, I’m happier now than I ever was before. 

I drastically downsized, began living off my savings, and poured all my heart and energy and focus into: Living my life

And in the process of doing All The Things, I gave up the search to find love.

Now, dear future husband, don’t take this the wrong way — it’s not that I’ve given up on finding you.

But see, if my 29-year-old self were to ask me why in the hell I gave up the search, I’d sit her down and I’d tell her this:

“Cheryl, there’s something you must know about love, and it’s much different than what you’ve been taught: Real love — real fulfillment — isn’t the way it looks in the movies, where you’re destined to be desperately incomplete and unhappy until the One Perfect Person comes into your life and magically makes your life whole.

Love, salvation, wholeness, completeness, happiness — these things don’t come to you solely through one magical person or through securing the life you’re ‘supposed’ to live.

In fact, Real Love cannot come to you at all, because it is already right here and right now, ready to be experienced in everything and everyone around you

It is not just contained in some romantic version of flowers and wine — treally love is to love the mountain fresh air as you breathe in and breathe out. It is to love and appreciate the dexterity of your fingers on the keyboard and the sharpness of your mind as you build a complex Excel spreadsheet. (Yes, I just used ‘love’ and ‘Excel’ in the same sentence. What can I say; it’s the accountant in me.) To love is to see — to really see and to really greet — each person you meet. To love is all this and more.

To fully live, I think, is to fully love.

And the truth is, in the process of learning to really live — to experience each moment deeply, fully, completely — I may not have found the right man yet, but that’s not to say that I haven’t found love.

In fact, I’ve fallen deeply in love — not with one man, but with life. With myself. In every places I see, new sets of eyes were born and new set of life's perspective were unfolded. I’ve found love and contentment in the smallest, simplest things. 

So, yes, you could say I’ve fallen madly in love.

It’s not just about finding the guy who will sweep you off your feet and bring you to your knees; it’s also about loving life, appreciating each moment, and learning to give without any expectation of reward beyond the joy of the act itself.

And dare I say that until you’ve experienced real love — ‘big L,’ Universal Love, you cannot truly experience the realest kind of romantic love with that fabul-awesome guy who will one day — when the time is just right — step into your life.”

And so.

To The Man Who Will One Day Become My Soul-Mate in Crime,

I am no longer looking for love. Not in any place and any corners. I am no longer looking for love because I already am love. I already have love.

Yes; I’ve already found love in my life, and it is right here and right now.

Now all I’m waiting on — patiently, deliberately, and full of faith — is you.

I cannot wait — as in, I'm like ready to jump all the way from the sky and swim the deepest oceans and climb the highest mountain — to meet you. And I’m just gonna go ahead and put this out there: Whenever the time is right for our paths to cross — should it be in 5 days, 5 years, or 5 lifetimes — I think I’m finally ready.

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